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In Continued Celebration of National Depression Awareness Week -

Announcing

Good News For Lazy, Psychotic Sinners

a Memoir

by Alice Louise Doro, L.P.S.

Are you depressed?

Are the weeds of life choking out your garden of joy and contentment?

Do the pressures of life make you want to do something a lot more serious than eat a pound of chocolate in one sitting?

Have your loved ones abandoned you?

Before your loved ones abandoned you, did they tell you that God abandoned you?

Have you experienced so much turmoil that even your other personalities abandoned you?

Have you survived childhood abuse?

Are you constipated?

Are other medical problems sending you to a street in reality named Poverty?

Has your house been struck by lightning?

Thinking of going for psychotherapy?

Are you curious about what happens behind the closed doors of a therapy session?

Do your perceptions of reality often differ from what other people perceive?

Do you eat raw carrots?

Are you beginning to wonder if your last chance for success or happiness has come and gone?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, then hold off on grabbing that box of chocolate (or anything else self-destructive) – at least until you've read Good News For Lazy, Psychotic Sinners!

Find it at i-Universe –

http://www.iuniverse.com/bookstore/book_detail.asp?isbn=0-595-36765-8

***

Book Description:

When the average-American life you’ve worked so hard to build disintegrates, when hope dies, what else do you do (if you don’t self-terminate) but write an autobiography – Good News For Lazy, Psychotic Sinners.

In defining “lazy, psychotic sinner”, Alice walks the reader through the process that brought her to enlightenment as an LPS – experiences, her thoughts about them and her efforts to transcend their effects. Surviving child abuse, becoming a born-again Christian, burning out and being struck by long-term physical illness are identified as the main causes of her eventual LPS status, but Alice suspects that there is an entire subculture of LPSes out there – people with different experiences but who also sometimes wonder if their last chance for happiness or success has come and gone. The author’s article contained in Good News… “Last Chance Gas –or- Anatomy of a Suicide”, typifies the LPS’s perspective of results when accepting help of the “okay variety”.

This psychological and spiritual drama includes medical mysteries, legal arguments, advice for other LPSes and the author’s documentation of her efforts to succeed and of being a committed Christian. It concludes with a four-page, jaw-dropping psyche evaluation which the author uses to support her claim of being a lazy, psychotic sinner.

Perhaps you’ll cry – and wonder if your ultimate fate is the LPS designation. But as you identify with the perspectives of an LPS, you, too, will laugh when you learn of your other options in Good News For Lazy, Psychotic Sinners.

***

Ultimate Doo Wop Show

April 14, 2007, 7 p.m.

The Fox Theatre

Atlanta, Georgia

Here is a rare chance to join Alice when she attends the Ultimate Doo Wop Show on Saturday, April 14^th in Atlanta, Georgia. This is not a date. This is an opportunity to join the author, along with two other guests, at The Fabulous Fox Theatre for an evening of entertainment by the legends of doo wop - yes, real music. Not only will you get to meet the author, but after the show, you will have the opportunity to meet the stars! These tickets are for the third row in the Pit Section. Among the performers will be Maurice Williams & The Zodiacs, the original Duke of Earl (Gene Chandler), The Crystals...!

This is a very rare outing for the author - who, as some of you know, is currently on inactive status as Executive Baglady of Gwinnett. No, Executive Bagladydom does not constitute an "outing". Alice has not had a vacation since 1981, and her last night out was in 2001. (That's because Executive Bagladies do not rob banks, sell drugs, sell arms to terrorists, burglarize homes, swindle stockholders... in order to remain homeful or purchase goods, vacations or entertainment.) Your chance of ever again meeting the author is miniscule.

There's more good news when you purchase these tickets! Proceeds of the sale will go to "the homeless". Yes, that would be Alice - who, soon after attending the show, will be back on active duty as Executive Baglady. Hang on to your hat for the other breaking news. Since Gwinnett County Commissioners are so averse to allowing "the homeless" to remain in this County (indeed, the very people who paid thousands of dollars in taxes over the years to pay salaries of said commissioners), it is obvious that Alice must relinquish her current title, Executive Baglady of Gwinnett. Though it appears it's time for her to get out of Dodge, what choice is there but for Alice to assume an upgrade in title, to wit, Executive Baglady of Georgia. (She conveyed that she hopes to serve as honorably with the state title as she has with both the county [Gwinnett] and local [Lawrenceville] titles. Further, she extends her gratitude to the Gwinnett County Commissioners for presenting Alice with the chance to expand the breadth of her experience as Executive Baglady - bless their hearts.) No doubt, there is a correlation between the commissioners' desire to rid the county of "the homeless" and implementing the "right to life" campaign. Unfortunately, no one has figured it out yet.

Time is short to act on this opportunity.

To make a substantial offer, contact:

xxxxxxx

April 9, 2007

***

From the Author/Executive Baglady:

What’s that? You want to know if I had a good time at the Ultimate Doo Wop Show?

How about --- The Duke and the Executive Baglady? Yep – there I am with The Duke of Earl (Mr. Gene Chandler) –

April 14, 2007 ^ at The Fabulous Fox Theatre, Atlanta, GA

***

But I need more recovery time from all that doo wop-ing before I post anything else – so-ooo tired and achy –

Updated: April 16, 2007

***

For your enjoyment, here are some pictures from my ultimate night out; but I need to fill in the performers’ names. Meantime, see who you can recognize. (Note: Where vanity played an important role, I deleted me from some of the pics.) And have I got a story to tell you about someone who just might have sung a line of “Stay” to me.

The performers included – Gene (The Duke of Earl) Chandler, Maurice Williams & The Zodiacs, The Crystals, The Original Spaniels, Jack Scott, The Contours, The Reflections, The Soul Stirrers and The Rama Lama Big Band. The very gracious Ms. Alicia Steele of GPBS was also there.

Updated: April 20, 2007

***

Sorry for the lack of updates, folks. Writhing in pain creates quite a distraction in life.

I just want to thank Ms. Jean and Mr. Teri for the software advice.

And with a feigned southern accent (but sincere heart), I’ll say, “Howdy, y’all”, to Doreen the librarian (in Scotland). Avril conveyed to me your very kind words about my book.

Perhaps by the next update I’ll have inserted all the names from the Doo Wop show. We were lucky to have Bill Pinkney in the audience. He was the last surviving original member of The Drifters. On July 4^th, he joined the Doo Wop choir in heaven.

Unless a third miracle occurs, I’ll be on active EB status next week. Maybe it would be a good time to start, “Good News For Executive Bagladies”.

Updated: October 5, 2007

***

Quite a bit of an update at this point – April 2008. November 20, 2007 marked my third entrance into Executive Bagladydom. Ahh, if only it were a fantasy. Let me begin with –

Thanks to a couple of Gwinnett County cops(*) I met last Sunday. (* - One of them is the good-looking, middle-aged, blond-haired, blue-eyed fellow – and that’s a quote.) Their sense of humor served as the impetus I needed to start my next book, “Good News For Executive Bagladies”, which I began writing that very night, April 6^th. Unlike book #1, which – with a “few” interruptions – took 17-1/2 years, this one should take between 6 and 12 months to get done. Imagine, I tried for two years to find the motivation to begin book #2. Laughter came at exactly the right time. Thanks, again!

As I posted on my page in the past, I again extend my gratitude to the rest of the Gwinnett County and Suwanee cops (I haven’t been to Lawrenceville in a while). We usually meet because they, or a concerned citizen, want to be sure that I’m alright (which, as an LPS, is a very relative term) and that you are safe with me in your community. Be assured, not only are they ever so polite, but they do quickly discern that you are quite safe with me on active EB status. (Indeed, if your house is being foreclosed as you read this, you are welcomed to park next to me – uhh, as long as you don’t litter.)

***

Thanks, also, to Rob Lee – of 106.7 FM radio (Gainesville/Atlanta) – trueoldieschannel.com – for airing my call. I’d just spent at least a half-hour looking for something in the back seat and needed to rest. I put the earphones in, and there was my phone call coming through. Whether or not my requested song (The Dubs – Could This Be Magic) was played, I don’t know.

Charlotte, of B & B Car Care (Dacula, GA) – you know, the folks who’d go bankrupt if they had more customers like me, the ones who fixed my car in January and kept me from being without a vehicle (without the tiniest of roofs – which, of course, would have downgraded my status to plain “baglady”) – well, Charlotte told me about 106.7 FM converting to oldies. My car radio plays the same hissing sound on all FM channels, but I was lucky to find a battery-powered radio for a dollar. (I got three or four nights of 106.7 FM music on one set of batteries.) Someone in Lawrenceville phoned in a request for “The Duke of Earl”. That and the steady stream of other oldies they play has sure been a treat.

Mr. Lee, it isn’t easy. In fact, I’ve been thinking of a slogan. Maybe, “Executive Baglady (Gov’t at work)”. Or, “Executive Baglady (Making Hell Look Easy)”. As I said, I try to do it with a little bit of class – not too much, just a little. I’ll send you a copy of “Good News For Executive Bagladies” when I’m finished, and you’ll have a better understanding of how, for instance, hearing real music on your station makes a dent. For now, imagine not having a radio and staring at a brick wall for two hours because you can’t turn your head without risking excruciating pain. The good news – now I have a radio that I keep tuned to 106.7 FM. And I’m still not parked in Afghanistan. (Is the gas any cheaper there?) In spite of making hell look easy, I’d rather do this than, say, rob a local bank. You see, as respectful as the cops are to me, I’m really slow sometimes, and I don’t think they’d give me a head start of ten minutes (from the bank to my car). I’m inclined to believe that my car is more comfortable than being in a cell next to Big Bertha.

Hey, folks, do you remember that song – does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight? Haven’t heard that in I won’t say how many years. Some of the songs they play I’d even forgotten existed. And the station gives historical info on a lot of songs. I never knew that they pulled “A Hundred Pounds of Clay” – and on grounds that it was offensive to religious types.

By the way, I think that young fellow who sang a line of, “Stay”, to me in front of Maurice Williams, the other Zodiac, and a bunch of other people, was Freddie Mangum. What else could I do but stand there with my mouth open and look stupid? The others just smiled. Okay, so they were probably laughing at me. Yeah, “young fellow”. I don’t think he realized my age. No credit left for this year’s show at The Fabulous Fox. The Tokens (“The Lion Sleeps Tonight”), The Flamingos, The Tymes – I forget who else is in the lineup.

Updated: April 11, 2008

Alice Louise Doro

P.O. Box 1356

Suwanee, Georgia 30024

Contact: alice@goodnewsbook.com